The Beginning of the End

A week. It’s been a week since I’ve last written. Nothing much has evolved in my immediate surroundings (thankfully only six rockets have been fired from Gaza this month), but in my personal world I can see at least two major developments I’ve learned about. In no particular importance: the NCAA declares it’s punishment on Penn State students, and the Syrian Rebellion imports foreign fighters, and begins to spread to neighboring countries. I have no interest debating either issue, nor delving deeply into either. I prefer not to leap to conclusions as I feel that many do, and would need at least some time to research the scathing remarks bubbling in my head, validating them before slandering or tarnishing another person.

All the same, I believe that my comments should be an indication of where exactly I stand on these issues. After several arguments, I have found that voicing an opinion counter to that of the media is considered ‘idiotic’, and ‘wrong.’ In an attempt to avoid passing judgment, I think I’ll avoid digging deeper here as well. Well, that sure makes this a boring post, doesn’t it?

I have to laugh at that. But, I feel that I should contribute a little more than two vague paragraphs, barely two thoughts. The summer semester has begun, which means numerous things. Almost done with my master’s degree (which is in itself a scary proposition); however, we haven’t even finished with the last semester yet. I have my last exam tomorrow, and two more papers to write in addition to the condensed summer courses. At least, I have more days off: mostly to be spent reading, researching, and possibly traveling. Two places on that list are Caesarea, and the Hula Valley. If there are further suggestions for Israeli locations of interest I would be all ears (this is me attempting to get some interaction from those who visit this page).

Summer semester approaches, and thinking of the sea.

When I first started writing, I remembered my last trip to Israel. I thought I would have plenty of time to write, and plenty of things to write about. We had nearly weekly trips and had martial arts all the time. Living with nine great people, all of whom I miss. I thought, very naively, that that is how this trip was going to be. How sadly mistaken I was. Budokan was an absolutely fantastic program; however, it was not the real world. It was an extended vacation, and at least of us do not live in the vacation world.

I suppose a number of other things have contributed to my silence. The knowledge that I don't control who reads this is probably chief among the barriers. Secondarily, it doesn't seem like there is much to write about. It is currently the finals period of the second semester. Essentially it is the last leg of this journey, and it hasn't been an easy one. I have faced my own Cyclops, Charybdis, and lotus eaters. I guess I'm really glad I don't have to worry about any suitors.

If nothing else, I can write this: I have learned several important life lessons. They aren't fun, but important all the same. As a very important friend to me recently, "It's better to learn the bitter lessons now, and be happy than to be ignorant and happy now." My words don't do her justice. And I hope that might comfort others of you facing hardship today.

Danny used to say that the strongest blades were forged in the hottest fires. I'm no sword smith, and I had forgotten those words until recently. I don't know if I'll become a sword. I think I've long dreamed of doing so, but the future is so very murky. To borrow an idea from Arthur Meyer (1960), I feel like the sea I sail is only roughly charted and its changing contours are not clearly discernible. There is no true science of navigation, no fund inherited from the experience of others. I alone am in control at the helm, at yet, I have no control of the winds. I go where they lead me and I can only hope that after this turbulence, I can find a quiet harbor to lay anchor for a moment and regroup.

I spoke with a friend recently. Only 19 years old, and already trying to decide their life direction. They were so surprised that I still don't know where I'm going. I'd like to go back to the US when I graduate and get a job, even if that job sends me back overseas. But so far that search isn't going so well, and there may be an opportunity for me here. So who knows? I may stay here a little longer. But I really don't know. All I can do is take what I have learned, and apply it. And each day do something to improve myself.

During the first semester I barely touched my guitar, I did not lift my pen outside of school work, and I seriously slacked in working out. In this past semester I've been picking things back up slowly. I am looking forward to having the time to dedicate more seriously to improvements, but I'll settle for a page of writing as a start. I'll worry about filling a book later.

The last thing I want to share is perhaps the most important lesson I have learned. In our daily life, our home is the most important place. It might seem to be commonsensical, or even silly to have to say it, but it is none the less true. Not everyone has the ability to change their situation. I have long thought that a little personal discomfort was not a serious detriment. My father always complained with the way I was strict with myself. When I say home, I don't just mean the room you sleep in, or the house in which you stay. It includes that area where you go at the end of the day to unload your pack, let the worries of the day sit aside for a moment, and you have the support to tackle the hardest challenges of life. I cannot rightly say that in any sense of the word I have led a difficult life, but I feel it is unfair to say I have never faced difficulty.

It seems that the most difficult days are easy to handle when one's home is in order, when there's a safe and secure place to settle. The reverse is also sadly true. When someone doesn't have a home, when that place isn't safe, than even easier days can be trying and grow to become insurmountable, like the task of Sisyphus. That is all I have for now. I hope that my words can share something of value, and that we get to where we are needed and we find there fair winds and following seas.